Rant on Ranting
This blog has taken on a rather serious note lately. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but what happened to ranting just to express myself? I think I’ve been reading too many news blogs or something. Everything has to be well written and documented. What I have been writing lately is certainly my style, but I don’t want to perfect myself out of writing. What kind of personal log would this be if I didn’t allow myself to rant from time to time. Rants about subjects no one may find interesting or even (heaven forbid), with no point or underlying theme whatever.
This is where I could restate this blog’s purpose or write a mission statement if this post was actually a serious one. I want to maintain the freedom I began with to talk about what I want with no fear of the ambiguous crowd because then, they didn’t exist. Now, I’m still almost completely lost in the swell of bloggers and the wider web world. I have gained a bigger perspective of the blogosphere as it were by reading other people’s blogs regularly. I don’t regret this “bigger picture” just as I certainly don’t regret traveling, but it has caused me, in perhaps a small way to go into my shell.
You see, I’m the kid in school that was never popular. I was mildly nerdy (still am) in a day where it was bad. Yet, I didn’t get picked on that much. I hung out with those who got picked on, but I somehow stayed out of the radar. Now that I think about it, that may be a lie I made up for myself. The truth is, I did get picked on. From here it doesn’t bother me, but it did hurt. Sure, I guess I wasn’t picked on as much as others in my social circle, because of my chameleon tendencies no doubt. I guess I created a super-wide view in my head and lost it all in the shuffle. What I mean is the lie that I just realized. At least it just stood out in stark contrast to an inner feeling. Yes, a feeling…that’s amazing! How could I fabricate an idea that I somehow went unnoticed and that I enjoyed that. There is some truth there in that I remember just keeping to myself and a small group of friends, but I couldn’t make the rest of the world disappear. I won’t pretend now that the rest of the world is not here.
It’s another post I’m scared to read over. What kind of gross grammatical and structural errors are lurking above. Yet, I struggle to move on, because there was (is) something there. Some real self-revelation that I don’t want the machine in me to destroy. “We leech to the sacred and assimilate it”…a line I wrote in a poem expressing who else, but myself. There are dark days there, no use denying it. It’s time for a rediscovery of who I am. Not for an self obsession that marked those days so full of ink, but a discovery of who I am in Christ Jesus.
Must I fight still? Why does the mention of the precious, perfect Lord Jesus send me into the obligatory religious ranting. This is a post about ranting so, after all, why does it matter. Because there is a feeling of fakeness in it that I don’t want a part of. I want to be real and live in reality with Jesus. I’m tired of escaping into fantasy. The real is here, it’s raw, it hurts, but it’s where true joy is found too. Yes, the fight continues….
There’s definitely a place for rants in a personal log. It’s raw, it’s unedited..feeling and fragmented thought. To those who hate spelling mistakes and grammatical errors (like me), lighten up! It’s already hard enough to express in a world of information and words…everything begins to lose its meaning. Well, I for one, plan to continue the rant and now and then let it poke its head out on my blog.
Maybe I made a mistake in the beginning of this post in assuming that a rant is not serious. This is serious! I will not, however, go look up the word rant or formulate my own definition. take it for what you will, oh reader.